People or Objects? - - You Decide
"How you think determines how you act. How you act, in turn, determines how others react to you." - David J. Schwartz ? The Magic of Thinking Big "?no matter what we're doing on the outside, people respond primarily to how we're feeling about them on the inside." - The Arbinger Institute ? Leadership and Self-Deception
Becoming a great leader requires people to behave in rather unnatural ways. Most people will focus on their personal needs ahead of the needs of others. One of the paradoxes of leadership states that we get our personal needs met by first considering the interests of the people we lead. Virtually anyone who has ever heard me speak has heard me use the following quote from John Maxwell ? "Leadership is influence. That's it. Nothing more; nothing less." Using this quotation as the starting point for discussions on leadership naturally forces the discussion away from questions of control and towards questions of influence. The American Heritage Dictionary defines control and influence as: Control ? to exercise authority or dominating influence over; direct; regulate Influence ? a power indirectly or intangibly affecting a person or course of events Based on the Maxwell definition of leadership, great leaders rely on indirect and intangible methods rather than on direct and dominating behaviors to move their organizations forward. The desire to learn these "indirect" and "intangible" methods often leads people to study "people skills" and "influence strategies" in their efforts to grow as leaders. While I fully support the development and understanding of these skills and strategies, I also recommend that we take it one step further. I recommend that we go beyond the external behaviors and address the foundational thinking that supports them. When I work with another person and I try to "get them to do things" or to "motivate them to work harder", I have slipped into thinking of the person as an object. They have ceased to be a person with wants, needs, and desires. They have become something to move to my will rather than someone to understand. If I view them as an object, they will probably pick-up on my thinking and react accordingly. They will most likely view my efforts to "influence" them as manipulative. If they see me as trying to manipulate them, they will probably resist ? even if only subtly. If they resist, I will probably try some other "influence tactic" to "get them to do things." Thus the cycle repeats. If I see them as a person, and then work to understand their perspective before acting; I stand a better chance of positively influencing their behavior. When they sense that I understand them, they are less likely to resist and more likely to cooperate. Now we have an upward, cooperative cycle in our relationship. Can I guarantee cooperative effort from every person when I use this approach to leadership? No. But I can guarantee that people will eventually see my "influence tactics" as manipulative if I don't first try to understand them and their needs. I can't control how another person will react to me. I can only control me. I can work to put the relationship odds in my favor by forcing myself to view them as a person, not as an object. Rather than trying to "get them to do things", I can work to "help them see the value in this activity". The shift in thinking is small, but the impact on results is huge. Just as a small part like a rudder can steer a large ship, a small thing like a thought can steer a relationship. Decide to be a person among people, not the person among objects. You may use this article for electronic distribution if you will include all contact information with live links back to the author. Notification of use is not required, but I would appreciate it. Please contact the author prior to use in printed media. Copyright 2005, Guy Harris Guy Harris is a Relationship Repairman and People-Process Integrator. His background includes service as a US Navy Submarine Officer, functional management with major multi-national corporations, and senior management in an international chemical business. As the owner of Principle Driven Consulting, he helps entrepreneurs, business managers, and other organizational leaders improve team performance by applying the principles of human behavior. Guy co-authored "The Behavior Bucks System(tm)" to help parents reduce stress and conflict with their children by effectively applying behavioral principles in the home. Learn more about this book at http://www.behaviorbucks.com Learn more about Guy at http://www.principledriven.com
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Peek Inside The Heads of Amazingly Successful Leaders
Would you like to know what really goes on inside the heads of astoundingly successful leaders? Here is your chance. Part of the research for my book Absolutely Fabulous Organizational Change? involved highly successful executives filling-out my Abilities & Behavior Forecaster? pre-employment test.
F2 Leadership
People don't leave jobs; they leave bosses. --
Anonymous
On Being A Born Leader
"Leaders are born, not made." Right? Let me ask you a question: do you believe that?
Getting Things Done, Without the Sweat!
How do you get your people on your side? And once their on your side, how can you get them to do anything you want? It's a skill that we all want. Nothing's better than leaving the hard work for someone else! But how?
The Flexible Leadership Workshop
The Leadership Challenge
Managing Monsters in Meetings - Part 2, Multiple Conversations
Side conversations ruin meetings by destroying focus and fragmenting participation.
Quality Leadership
The Lakota tribe of Native Americans has no word in the language for "I" or "me," only "we" or "us." Mahatma Gandhi insisted on traveling in third class carriages (on the train)because, as he explained, 'there is no fourth class.' "
Leadership Activity: How Leadership Agenda, Strategy, and Behaviors Shape Your Success!
"Forward, as occasion offers. Never look round to see whether any shall note it... Be satisfied with success in even the smallest matter, and think that even such a result is no trifle." - Marcus Aurelius
Fighting the Gravitational Pull of Positional Leadership
A little on leadership?
The Three Factors of Leadership Motivation
Leaders do nothing more important than get results. But you can't get results by yourself. You need others to help you do it. And the best way to have other people get results is not by ordering them but motivating them. Yet many leaders fail to motivate people to achieve results because those leaders misconstrue the concept and applications of motivation.
UNCLOS III Process model
The United Nations Conference on Law of the Sea was ground breaking in the way negotiations were conducted. Several strategies were employed that allowed for efficient negotiation and a reasonable outcome as viewed by all participating parties.
Get What You Want - Negotiating Skills for the Timid!
OK, I know this title sounds self-serving and hard nosed, but the article isn't! Whether it's buying a car, asking for a pay rise, saying 'no' to a friend or renting an apartment - at some stage in our lives we all are going to need to know how to negotiate. Yet, so few of us know the basic skills before embarking on life changing purchases or decisions!
Extraordinary People in Mediocre Times
My grandfather used to speak of the days when people drove the world. It was a time when people were proud to contribute and move society and industry forward at full steam. But, people were proud of themselves! However, before he died, one of his observations was that "we have come to mediocre times."
Listening Like a Leader
Our studies of the most effective people in corporate America show that the top 2 percent are effective not because they executed best practices well. They did not make the most phone calls or have the best processes. They simply understood the truth about trust:
Chris Top 7 Favorite Leadership Books
1. The West Point Way of Leadership.
5 Power Keys For Leadership Success!
Did you know that you can successfully handle most
leadership challenges with just 5 simple strategies? By
focusing your attention on these critical areas you can
empower your the opportunities hiding within your vision,
new venture or project plans.
Two Vital Abilities Any Leader Must Have
As a business owner, you are a leader whether you like it or not. Whether you like it or not you have to guide your group in order to expand your organization. And whether you like it or not, there are some difficult situations that you have to confront and handle -- hopefully in a way that inspires confidence in you from your staff.
The Challenge to Lead
The topic of leadership has been and continues to be one of the most vital topics in human history. From ancient civilizations to modern day multi-national corporations, men and women of passion, fervor and zeal have sought to discover the secrets of moving others beyond the gray of their mundane reality to the rich array of colors that embody the palate of the extraordinary life.
Leadership is About Growing Others - Its Not About You!
"Before you become a leader success is all about growing yourself. Once you become a leader success is all about growing others." Jack Welch (1935- ) Former Chairman & CEO, General Electric"
Why You Should Ignore This Advice
Doesn't make too much sense does it? Am I really going to give you some advice that asks you to ignore the advice I'm giving you? Well, that's not strictly true. I am however going to show you how to qualify the advice you are given, so you can sort the wheat from the chaff, and help you to survive the information overload on the Internet.
|
